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Practical SEL Skills for Everyday Family Life

Writer's picture: Intiwasi SchoolIntiwasi School

Socio-emotional learning (SEL) is not just for classrooms - it’s a vital part of daily family life. SEL equips children with skills to navigate their emotions, build positive relationships, and make responsible decisions. Integrating SEL into your home can strengthen family bonds and foster resilience in your children. This guide provides practical strategies, backed by insights from psychologists and SEL practitioners, to bring SEL into everyday family interactions.


What is SEL?

SEL focuses on five core competencies, as outlined by CASEL (Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning):

  • Self-Awareness: Recognizing emotions, strengths, and limitations.

  • Self-Management: Regulating emotions, stress, and behaviors.

  • Social Awareness: Empathizing with others and respecting diversity.

  • Relationship Skills: Communicating effectively and resolving conflicts.

  • Responsible Decision-Making: Making ethical, constructive choices.


Dr. Marc Brackett, psychologist and author of Permission to Feel, emphasizes, “SEL is about giving children the tools to navigate their inner world and connect meaningfully with others.”


Why SEL Matters in Family Life

Families are the first place children learn to express emotions, resolve conflicts, and interact socially. Incorporating SEL into daily life helps:

  • Strengthen parent-child relationships.

  • Build resilience to handle stress and challenges.

  • Teach problem-solving and empathy skills.


Practical SEL Strategies for Families

  1. Foster Emotional Awareness Through Communication

    1. Name Emotions: Help children identify and name their emotions. Use phrases like, “You seem upset. Are you feeling frustrated because of…?”

    2. Create a Feelings Chart: Display a chart with emotions and their corresponding facial expressions to help younger children articulate feelings.

    3. Model Emotional Sharing: Share your feelings openly. For example, “I felt really proud when I finished that project at work.”

    4. Tip: Dr. Daniel Siegel, author of The Whole-Brain Child, advises using “emotion coaching” to guide children through their feelings rather than dismissing or minimizing them.

  2. Practice Self-Regulation Together

    1. Use Breathing Exercises: Teach children to manage stress with simple breathing techniques. For example, try “balloon breathing,” where they pretend to inflate and deflate a balloon.

    2. Create a Calming Corner: Set up a space with soft items, books, or sensory toys where kids can retreat when they feel overwhelmed.

    3. Model Self-Control: When you feel stressed, narrate your process. For example, “I’m feeling frustrated, so I’m going to take a deep breath before I respond.”

  3. Encourage Empathy in Daily Interactions

    1. Discuss Perspectives: During disagreements, ask, “How do you think your sibling felt when that happened?”

    2. Read Books About Empathy: Stories like “Last Stop on Market Street” by Matt de la Peña or “Each Kindness” by Jacqueline Woodson encourage children to see the world through others’ eyes.

    3. Practice Acts of Kindness: Encourage children to do small, thoughtful acts, such as making a sibling’s bed or writing a thank-you note.

    4. Insight: SEL practitioner Trisha DiFazio suggests, “Empathy grows when children are given opportunities to practice kindness and reflect on how their actions affect others.”

  4. Build Stronger Relationships Through Active Listening

    1. One-on-One Time: Spend undistracted time with each child to show they are valued and heard.

    2. Paraphrase and Validate: Reflect their words back to them. For example, “It sounds like you were really excited about your project.”

    3. Set Aside Devices: Model active listening by putting away phones or devices during conversations.

  5. Teach Problem-Solving and Decision-Making

    1. Involve Kids in Decisions: Ask for their input on family matters, like planning meals or setting weekend activities.

    2. Role-Play Scenarios: Practice how to handle common challenges, such as resolving a fight with a friend or handling disappointment.

    3. Use “What If” Questions: Encourage critical thinking by asking, “What would happen if…?” This helps children evaluate consequences.


Integrating SEL into Daily Routines

  • Morning Routine

    • Set Daily Intentions: Ask, “What’s one goal for today?” or “How do you want to feel today?”

    • Positive Affirmations: Recite affirmations like, “I am kind, I am brave, I am capable.”

  • Dinner Time

    • Highs and Lows: Share one good thing and one challenge from the day.

    • Discuss World Events: For older kids, connect global issues to SEL by exploring how they might feel in someone else’s shoes.

  • Bedtime

    • Gratitude Journaling: Write or discuss three things you’re grateful for each night.

    • Reflection Questions: Ask, “What made you happy today? What would you do differently tomorrow?”


The Role of Parents in SEL Development

Parents play a central role in cultivating SEL at home. Dr. Brackett emphasizes, “Children learn from observing how parents manage emotions, handle conflicts, and interact with others. Modeling SEL is key to teaching it.”

Resources to Deepen Your Understanding

Books: Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman, The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel.

Programs: CASEL’s Family Guide, Second Step’s SEL curriculum for families.

Apps: Breathe, Think, Do by Sesame Street (for kids), Headspace or Calm (for parents).

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